We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize