I can tuck mytits in my pants
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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