Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
don't judge my taste in strippers
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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