Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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