I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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