Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
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All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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