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Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
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