Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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