he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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