what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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