He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
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I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
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I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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