I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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