Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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