Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
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Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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