There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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