my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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