2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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