awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
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I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
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When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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