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there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
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