dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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