idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
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Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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