just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
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I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
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but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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