hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Pants are for mortals
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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