I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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