I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I want to walk on stilts...naked
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
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The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize