Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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