Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
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They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
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I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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