this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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