I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize