it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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