like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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