he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
why do cheetos always look like penises
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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