she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
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I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
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One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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