I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
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Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
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& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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