I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
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Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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