hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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