hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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