i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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