my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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