As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
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I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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