You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize