This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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