not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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