it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
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I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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