I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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