All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
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It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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