The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
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since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
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She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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