i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
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Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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