The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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