I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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